When Everything Changes But You Still Feel the Same

I’ve made so many changes and yet somehow things often still feel exactly the same. This is something I talk about with clients all of the time. We’re sold growth as a beautiful transformation, but no one talks about the part where everything changes and yet, somehow, you still feel like you.

You get a new job, new mindset and create new boundaries but the same doubts creep in, the same thoughts reappear and start to circulate and ruminate in your mind.  Or sometimes you feel like you have outgrown the environment you are in but still feel emotionally attached to it.

Life isn’t an etch-a-sketch, change and growth can’t erase who you were, they can only layer over it.  Those feelings of “I thought I’d feel different by now” are what stops so many people really going for what they want, this is the point that belief in yourself is critical.  The point at which things start to feel they have hit resistance is when old patterns resurface, life can start to feel like a contradiction, like you don’t really fit anywhere anymore.  We have huge expectations that we make a change and then our growth should feel complete, but suddenly feels harder than ever before.

Just because we want something new, or better, for us doesn’t mean that we won’t or don’t feel sad for the person we loose along the way.  That layering that I talked about is where we get to choose and keep the bits of us and our life that allow us to become the person we dream of, but that process also means we need to let go of the parts that do not and with that process comes grief for what we let go.  Letting go of old identities that don’t help us to create the life and reach the dreams we want.  We will outgrow people, habits and versions of ourselves, that served a purpose and made us happy at one time but are not the fuel to push us forward now and it’s ok to miss these parts whilst accepting they are no longer part of the life we are creating.  Life is full of contradictions; we can be proud of who we are becoming and still grieve who we used to be.  The process isn’t linear and doesn’t look the same for everyone,

So you might be sat there thinking well what’s the point in believing in more, what’s the point of pushing myself to become the version of myself that I want if it brings with it so much difficulty, heartache and grief.  It’s easier just to stay stuck.  Anything worthwhile in life is hard and can feel challenging in the beginning but growth also brings confidence, clarity, freedom and self-trust and they outweigh the hard times and grief every single time.  We live in a world where we are taught to believe everything around us but not in ourselves, and self-trust if the biggest gift there is.  The joy of expansion is immense, starting to understand what is possible and that no dream or ambition is too big.  Once you start a journey of growth for you, you will find joy in the everyday, sometimes the big obvious situations and sometimes in the small quiet moments that you didn’t even realise existed.

Going back to our growth as a layering concept, it’s not about needing to leave the old you behind, instead think if it as you get to choose what come with you.  Your values, the things and people that really matter, the skills and experiences that you have had along the way; but talking the bits you need, healing from the bits that hurt you and letting go of the bits that you carry and don’t need to.  Growth is addictive the more you see what is possible the more you start to believe in the power of what could be.  It’s not about being destructive and tearing apart who you were but allowing yourself to honour those past versions of you and feeling grateful for what you have to help you moving forward.

Growth isn’t and never should be about becoming someone else, it’s about becoming more you, while learning to hold the parts of you that got you here.  Our identity is never replaced it just evolves, and growth feels uncomfortable because its honest.

May is the season of growth, not just about blooming but also rooting yourself deeper and really pushing for what excites you.  This is the perfect time to check in with where you are right now, where you want to be and look to see if you are making the honest difficult decisions to help you get there.  Sometimes growth is hard, but it is always right.

I love the old saying that everything will grow in the right environment.  Are you in the right environment to allow you to trust yourself and really create the life you want?