Lessons by the sea.....

“You become what you believe”, a famous quote from Oprah Winphrey.  Sounds too good to be true right??  That is what past me would have thought too.  You hear all too often, “what’s the point in trying as it will never happen”, “good things don’t happen to people like me”, “I don’t deserve the life I want”.  But I am here to prove you have the power within you to do and be whatever you want.

Sitting, sipping a coffee, amongst the sand and rocks listening to the waves gently lap on the sandy beach in Devon last month it occurred to me that this was the life I had created for myself!  This was the life I knew I wanted and took the brave steps to believe it could happen.  I spent so long craving purpose, flexibility, freedom, authenticity in what I was doing that it really was a pinch me moment to realise I had achieved not only that but was helping other people do the same too!  

There is science to show that being in or near the water the “Blue Mind Theory”, helps us maintain a state a peace and calm, improving mental health and allowing us to delve into possibilities and give clarity of thought. Sitting there by the water got me to thinking about the lessons that have become really clear during this journey and have cemented over the Summer how I want to move forward. I wanted to share them with you as every small change we make each day can build towards something truly special and holding onto the belief that change is possible is the start of it all.

No one else will change your life, you have to do that.

Sometimes in life it can feel like everyone else has all the luck, the big promotion, the new house, the fancy holidays and life can feel unfair.  But when we sit down to look at it objectively, we have to ask ourselves the questions:  what did they sacrifice to be where they are today?  What effort did they do above and beyond what was expected?  I look back to decision and actions I didn’t take because they felt too hard or like too much work and the reality is I was the one holding back progression and change, I was the one not making the right choice and actions towards the life I wanted.  Realising that my future was within my control everything changed.

Work is part of life not to balance against it.

How often do you hear the term “work life balance”, it is used all day every day, by almost everyone, with no thought given to the meaning.  We are not meant to balance our whole life on a scale with work as the opposition.  The biggest cause of burnout is working tirelessly without purpose.  When we start to introduce purpose into our work, we quickly realise that work is just a part of life, and it should fit amongst everything else that brings us joy and purpose.

Failure doesn’t mean it was wrong.

If you look at some of the most successful people in the world today and through history, the biggest key to their success was the failures that came before.  We live in a world where failure is deemed to be a bad thing but if we just reframe that and look at failure as a way to learn.  Failure forces us to change: our opinion, our direction and sometimes even our goal, but it teaches us to embrace change and by doing so using it to our advantage.  When we look at nature it has learnt to do exactly that, a plant may not flower from every bud but the end result is still beautiful. It’s time to change the narrative that we are all taught and understand that failure is one of the keys to success.

Its ok to be vulnerable and ask for help.

Success and change don’t come from being the best at everything and succeeding on our own.  The people and environment we surround ourselves with are so important.  Surrounded by success we will believe success is possible and strive to achieve it, we will learn from those around us and creating a community for support.  The ability to ask for help when needed is a sign of strength, a sign that you understand your limitations, can utilise resources around you and are willing to learn.

Say yes to everything.

Opportunity is key to success and to building the life you want.  If you don’t put yourself out there you will never know what is available.  When I decided to start to change my life, I had no idea where it would lead.  I threw myself into my decision, said yes to everything and have never looked back.  Opportunities have arisen from being in environments I would have normally shied away from, living out with my comfort zone has allowed me to create a life I love.

Learn how to say no

Now this might sound contradictory after the last point but learning to say no is just as important as saying yes.  Ask yourself why you are saying yes, is it out of obligation, fear of letting someone down, being judged, or something else?  One of the biggest lessons I learnt was spending time listening to myself, learning what I needed to thrive, what makes me feel good and to learn to do more of it.  Conversely, I need to also learn what brought me down, what didn’t make me feel good and what was ultimately moving me further away from what I wanted.  Remember these are your goals, it is your life, you have the choice to make the decisions which will bring you closer to that dream by learning to say no.

Life is in the little things

Anyone I speak to and clients that I work with all talk about the big achievements, the massive goals but are these really what life is all about.  We spend so much time feeling unhappy or unsatisfied all whilst chasing the next big thing but what is happiness was right under our noses we just aren’t looking for it.  By looking for the joy in the little things all around us every day, we strengthen our mental and physical health, we create happiness daily and we start to focus on what we do have rather than what we don’t.  I bet everyone readying this is already so close to the life they want that just don’t stop to see it.  The more joy we see in life the more we attract towards us.  We presume that a BIG change is required to make us feel happy, when we don’t need a big change, we just need those little sparks of joy.

Slowing down is important

Just like nature all around us, life is seasonal.  We are not programmed to exist at one speed; life is a journey.  Along our journey there will be highs there will be lows; there will be moments where we need to learn and gain experience and there will be thrilling rollercoaster style descents.  It is the low, difficult periods that can feel hard to navigate but looking at nature for lessons these can be the equivalent to Autumn and Winter.  Often rest and hibernation can be seen as running away or not progressing, but these are the time when we are building our resources and looking after ourselves ready to bloom for the next busy and excited period in life.

It’s the people that make the difference

What I’ve come to realise is that the journey shapes us but it’s the people who walk with us that give it meaning. Don’t get so wrapped up in actions and to do that you lose sight of the why you want the life you want.  Laughter with friends, a slow evening cooking with a loved one, a rowdy day trip with children or a thoughtful walk along the beach with your furry friends are more important than the number in your bank account, the next big project or the size of your house.    Life is finite, live each day as though it were your last.

Be open to change.

This for me was the hardest of the lessons.  I believed that you had to have it all figured out and then deviating from that plan was failure.  I wasted so long no being happy and living the life I wanted for fear of letting myself down and being judged.  I ignored opportunities because they didn’t align with the “plan” I thought I had to follow; my ego didn’t want to be “wrong” so I would make the choice that looked right rather than felt right and made me happier and more fulfilled.

So, as I sat there looking out to sea, I finally realise that the end of my story was indeed not only my choice, but it was made up of actions and decisions I could choose and that it is up to me if I want to change the plan as I go. So “you are become what you believe” is indeed true.  The big question is how big do you dare to believe?